More Than Myself

Someone asked me yesterday why don't I pursue my writing to a career level, go back to college, earn a Masters degree, gain knowledge, dream to become famous, fight for a spot in history... instead of being no one, loving my husband, serving my family, raising and educating my children, spending time with the elderly, flying half way around the world to spend time with someone who was old and was going to die anyway, whether I was there or not?

Why not be practical and pragmatic?  Go on a cruise vacation just for myself, pamper myself at the spa weekly, become highly appreciated and important.

And while my mind would wander planning the next visit to another tropical island, never having quite enough, I'd be missing:

-my babies' first smiles and first steps
-my kids first scrapes that miraculously get better with mommy's kiss
-the excitement in their eyes as they ride a bike without the training wheels
-the thrilled look on their faces as they're sounding out words and sentences, ready to dive in the amazing world of reading
-moments when they cry on my shoulder not quite knowing why, but comforted to know mommy was there
-moments when little secrets are shared, and laughter sprouts out of the silliest and simplest things, simply because mommy has the time...

I'd be missing the love and thankfulness in the old people's eyes, as they hold my hand.  I'd be missing my grandma's whispered words "I know you're here..."

One day my babies will be strong and mighty enough to be on their own.  That day, as they wave goodbye, and go their own way, I might consider pursuing my writing, and following certain dreams...  But for now, I rejoice in the gifts God so richly blessed me with, and savor moments like this:

Last night, as I put my youngest to bed and played the huggies game, trying to see who would hug the strongest, I told him " I love you more than all the 'I love you's' in the whole world!".  He laughed, looked me in the eyes, put on his charming look, and asked:  "Do you love me more than you love yourself?"  I was quite surprised to hear such a question coming from a 5 year old, I paused and thought about it for a minute.  Still blown away by the depth of his question, I answered "Yes, more than I love myself".

He laughed and held my face with his tiny hands... "I knew that..." he said.

Time to time, I'll make sure to write about this, enriched in words and colors as I'm pursuing the gift of life.